Release

Having body issues when you're already thin, even thick, is such a messy subject - whether you are the subject of it's selfish pull or not. Appearance issues stem from a number of things: Lack of control, careers, peer pressure, high expectations, etc. etc.

Now for myself, I have converging some mental ground on how it is best to handle this bumpy subject. If we look at it from a spiritual perspective we see that the bibles states "Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit", and by degrading our own image because it doesn't align with the idea form of which we think it should, is actually a sin. Again, looking at it from eternal perspective, when we give passage to mediocrity and that "ideal" physical form which we sometimes cry over and become obsessed over, we are infact cutting ourselves off from effectiveness.

We cannot, and I repeat, cannot be effective for the kingdom, ourselves, our work, or anything is we are so close-minded to the shape of what we are. However, it is not overcome in a day, a week, a month. This messy subject spills over the edge and stays all our lives. At times the pull and fight won't be as hard, but the more we give way, the more difficult and painful it is to surface once again.

Also, as we release our self-insecurities, we shall gain a new self awareness. In other words: effectiveness.

Alone Time

Depending on the appropriateness of the situation, I’m never afraid to ask questions. About life, dance, others, and especially myself.

Over the years, I developed a keen sense to learn - a learner’s mentality if you will. I spent a lot of time alone, a lot of time thinking and developing my thoughts. I truly benefited from that time and still do. Whether it was in my room, sitting in the bed of my brother’s trunk, in the studio, or going to the park. It didn’t matter because it started young.

My parents found it odd, I think, when I would tell them I’m going to the park and Mom would ask, "Alone?"
My favorite park was not even a block from our house. It wasn't anything special, but it was in fact a big open field with a bench and two huge oak trees to sit beneath. I would go there to release my thoughts and attempt to write. Sometimes I would do nothing more than sit between the enormous stumps to hide and listen to the wind viciously blow the leaves. When the weather would begin to shift, I’d bundle up and withstand the cold for as along as possible just to sit there.

Back then, I had many friends but often chose to set myself apart. As the years passed, I grew into it even more by investing my time into the studio. All that time energized questions within me. When I was nine years old, I had no idea I was an introvert, yet easily able to make friends. I do remember, however, since a young age I’ve felt it in my gut that somewhere along the lines of this earth I would be someone. That I would grow to become part of something larger than myself.

My philosophy is that to be someone, one must know them self. To do something, one must know their craft. Therefore, I was always full of questions and still am.

I love a thought I once read about knowing the sound of your own breath.
How many of us can actually say that we do?

Waiting In The Wings

You have this clear design - clear vision of where you see yourself going.

It rains.

Suddenly the window becomes blurry and your own direction fades a bit.

All you want is for it to stop raining.

But alas, plans change because they are not ours to mold.

There is a difference between plans and destiny.

Plans are what we desire instantly.

But vision -- vision requires time.

"Visions are born in the soul of a man or woman who is consumed with the tension between what is and what could be. Anyone who is emotionally involved-frustrated, brokenhearted, maybe even angry about the way things are in the light of the way they believe things could be, is a candidate for a vision. Visions form in the hearts of those who are dissatisfied with status quo.

The world is hard on vision. After all, a vision is about change. And change is not welcomed in most areneas of life. For a vision to survive, it must be mature and healthy before being exposed to the cynical, critical, stubborn environment in which it is expected to survive. And maturity requires time."

And Once Again...

theres a part of me that you keep breaking

many parts of me are frankly too attached

you keep breaking them - breaking me.

“Let people feel the weight of who you are. And let them deal with it.”

Persistence Conquers All

"Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You're in a lion fight, Stevens. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar." -Greys

Trophy Years

Last weekend I wrapped up my last high school competition season with DNA. In ways I was shaken by the fact that it was my last... and bitter-sweetness became me as I reflected on the previous eight years of competing on different stages and how each one had its meaning as did the past four years of books and people who have contributed to who I am.

Part of me felt like the player who puts the towel over his head to veil his tears while exiting the court as his high school career comes to a close. Videos, pictures, medals and trophies lay left as it leaves. And what seems like a very large window is being shut and the curtains rise and fall to the wood of the floors one last time on these stages that I move on – these stages of my life.

I graduate in just a few weeks and have showcases to finish up with and then I plan on auditioning for Cruise Ships this summer and hopefully sign for 4-6 months. So obviously, I’m not planning on going to college right away and it was probably one of the most sought out decisions I’ve ever had to make… but it was very clear to me that this is what I need to do. I want to start making my way into the professional dance world… and if I’m a starving artist, then I’m a starving artist at least doing what I love – doing what makes me come alive.

Am I scared? Well, hell yeah I’m scared.
But I think that’s one of the reasons why I know its right.
These stages are as scary as it gets and I believe they should be.
I think we all NEED experiences that knock us off center… otherwise we’re not living. Sometimes you find those off-center experiences in places, sometimes in passions, or in people. I have gotten to partake in many and have found those experiences in all three and I want to keep finding them – keep expanding them.

I’m excited about this next phase of my life. I’m anxious to see more of the world and to keep learning, keep in-taking in order to give back.
So, goodbye trophy years… hello un-idealistic career.

Trading Comfort For Calling

I believe in you...

Even over the longest distance.